Nightly, I would close my eyes
to chase the peace I missed.
An abundant escape of colorful dreams,
wishing for a realm like this.
But lately, when the daylight dies,
the darkness doesn't come to claim.
My edges have softened, the tides have turned,
and I no longer run the same.
The dreamland escape has lost its pull:
the magic is here, and filling me full.
You see my guard, you feel the space, and thank you for not pushing through.
I'm sorry for the pain you've known, and the history that shaped you, too.
I hope you understand,
This isn't a reflection of you,
My hesitation is a shield I wear;
because too many souls have looked beneath and walked away, breaking me beyond despair.
There's no room for soft things here.
The world has demanded I be stone.
From heavy training, heavy roots, to the sharpest corners I have known:
I've had to harden. It keeps me safe.
It is the only survival I was taught.
But underneath the quiet weight,
I've wanted someone who just sees.
Not for what I do, or how I stand, but for the breath inside of me.
A place to rest when the day is dark,
to feel protected, cherished, free.
It is deep within the muscle memory,
this wall I built so high.
It will take time to break it down:
but for you, I want to try.